Several years ago Dad lost the ability to shop by himself.
He was never a big shopper, but he never forgot a birthday, anniversary or
other special occasion that should have a gift. When he did go shopping, he
made good decisions. The last few years, Mom has chosen two or three gifts for
herself, and Dad wrapped them. Last year, he needed help wrapping them. I even
had to tell him where to put the tape on the package and what to write on the tag.
Since Mom seemed to be OK with her system, I didn’t think a
whole lot about it. But it got to bothering me in the past couple of months as
I realized how painful it must be for the caregiver when that loved one forgets
not only the gift but even the occasion for the gift. I decided to find the
time to take Dad shopping even though I knew by the time we got to Christmas,
he wouldn’t remember. In fact, he probably would not even remember within a few
hours of shopping.
Knowing that at his best Dad did not do well going from
store to store in search of items, I did some searching on my own in advance.
When I had asked Mom what she wanted for Christmas, she requested a kitchen
scale to help her with recipes she was trying. I wanted to minimize locations
and crowds (a particular difficulty for him), so when I was at our Kroger
Marketplace, I checked there for the scale. They had three. Bingo. They also
had some pretty sweaters and Christmas plates. Blackout bingo.
Tuesday, Mom had a Pokino night with ladies from the chapel,
so I took Dad with me to choir rehearsal at my church and then shopping. I lost
count of how many times I had to tell him we were going shopping for Mom’s
Christmas present, but he enjoyed the short rehearsal and was ready to shop
whenever I said where we were going. We started with the sweater, which will be
for her birthday in January. I figured it was better to get both taken care of
in one trip. I pointed out several colors, and while we liked the red, we knew
she already had a red sweater. He struggles with more than two options, so I pointed
out a pretty blue and a purple, and he chose the blue. He agreed it would look
pretty with her hair.
One occasion down. One to go. We headed for housewares. On
the way we passed the card section, and something caught his eye, and then he
stopped to look at the cards. He read one and thought it was funny but not for
Mom. I saw another, and we read it and said, “That’s Mom!” I asked if he wanted
to get it since it might not be there later, and he thought that was a good
idea.
I had to tell him again as we walked across the store what
we were shopping for, and when we got to the scales, I showed him there were
three. One too many choices. Before he could get frustrated, I told him, “This
one is cheap, and I don’t think it will be accurate.” He agreed. I picked up
one of the digital scales and told him how worked and the price. He thought
that was great. Into the shopping cart it went.
The endcap had Christmas plates. I was afraid it would be
overwhelming, so I quickly pointed out two similar ones with Santas. “This
Santa has a Christmas list, and that one has the sign with Merry Christmas.” He
commented that he liked them both and he wasn’t sure. That’s not any different
from me when I’m making decisions sometimes. I responded that I liked the one
with the sign better. He agreed. Also into the shopping cart. Nearly finished.
We still had to check out. Fortunately, the front was not
busy. I used my Kroger card and helped him find his credit card in his wallet.
Together we scanned his card, and he signed for it just fine. While I was
paying for my couple of items, he gathered his purchases. I had a moment of
panic as we walked away when I asked about the receipt because I wanted to keep
it. There was no telling where it would end up if he had it. That was true in
just those few minutes, but he checked his pockets and found it, asking, “Is
this it?” Mission accomplished.
When I took him home, I walked back in with him. We decided
to be sneaky since Mom wasn’t home yet. I brought the sweater because I was
uncertain about the size and went and found another sweater of hers and
compared them. He also thought that they were close enough. I could have taken
care of checking it on my own, but I really liked that of his own accord he
joined me and analyzed the sweaters as well.
All the gifts are my house now, and I will take the
Christmas presents over soon, and together we will wrap them. He still won’t
remember them on Christmas morning, but I think it will be good when Mom opens
them and is pleased. It will make him happy. And I will tell Mom how he chose
the gifts, which will be bittersweet but make her happy.
The only remaining challenge is not forgetting where I've stashed her birthday present.
